Pull the Trigger

After I pulled the trigger, I watched the body fall to the ground and a pool of crimson blood flooded on to the earth.

I stood still for a moment, before realizing what had happened, which took a moment later than I least expected. I never strayed my sight away from the body, even after taking a few steps behind. It’s as if my eyes were riveted and stuck in the whole scenario.

I walked towards the wall and sat beside the body. I wanted to touch it, but my hands felt numb and my nerves constricted. Instead, I grabbed the bottle of alcohol which was already half-empty. I tried to chew the leftover spaghetti that seemed weird with too much sauce.

I sat there in the dark for a few minutes, drinking, and not knowing what to do next.

A Conversation with my Bonnets

                After I took a bath one day, the black (with dark shades of blue) bonnet spoke to me, where are you going? I looked at it with utmost disgust, and told him to shut up. It’s none of your business, I said to him.  He retorted back, and told me, you creep! You aren’t bringing me now, are you? Damn it.  I knew you had already someone else in your mind, and went to a whole lot of frenzy talk about the bonnets we have both seen in the mall and convincing me that they sucked. I covered him with my bath towel, and he shut up for the minute, but later on he shouted in frustration.  That alerted my other bonnet as well.

             Will you shout up midget! my maroon in white stripe-bonnet told my black.  You are wrecking havoc in this room, you know.

             Who are you calling midget, you furry bloated smelly brat! said the black in a furious anger.  Get the hell out of this room, airhead!             And they continue to rant on with each other’s anger.  It was only seconds later that I finally realized my room is kind of in a state of chaos. Darn it, I said to both of them, trying to topple my voice over theirs, you both really have gone insane.  You both are losing your marbles.

            They fell silent for a moment, although I can feel that they were exchanging glares to each other.  The black bonnet looked up at me. Wear me, he said.

             The maroon laughed suddenly.  And then he shifted his expression to a serious mode.  Wear me, he said to me, not staring at the black.

              The black bonnet looked fiercely at the maroon, and told me, I am a pretty incredible bonnet, he convinced me.

             The maroon gave a sarcastic smile, pretty incredible bonnet? and told me, I’m a helluva bonnet. I look like a hot shot for you.             Okay, I’m getting sick of your old sentiments. Don’t say a goddamn word now, I said, while preparing my things for my first class.  

            But – 

            But – 

            I looked at both of them finally, and then they fell silent again.  I sighed.  There’s no reason to be upset really, I told them, and swung my backpack around ready to leave.

             Wait – the black said, you already have someone else in your mind right?

            Someone else? or something else? I clarified.

            You know black, it’s Mr. Four Eyes-guy, remember? the maroon said to the black.

            Really? Hell, no freaking way!  the black replied in a haste.

             I smiled to both of them.  Yep, he gave me a ball cap, and ran away.    

A Scene inside the Dark Room

He looks a lot like him, I said, staring at him while drowning myself in another shot of alcohol.  The nose, the lips, those eyes that stare back at me.  It’s as if I was seeing another him in a different point of view.           

I touched my forehead wearily, before I stood up, knocking the photos from the table to the floor.  I’m drunk am I? I asked myself as I went to retrieve them.  Then I stood up to leave the room.  Tsskk.  Those eyes, like narrow tunnels…           

He held my left hand back before he stood up.  I felt the weight of his left hand upon my shoulder.  Then his right hand, wet from gripping the bottle of alcohol, found the left side of my face.            

He was much too close.  Really close.            

Outside the dark room, pools of tears fell from the heavens.

Hell Week!

   Jeez, the hell week – it’s finally here! Yah, The final exams, I can feel the pressure now, and I am actually on the verge of fainting and feinting (just to skip exams if that is possible). But nope, that’s too bad, no special exams so I guess I can’t really fool myself that much.  And I have to memorize all the Japanese vocabulary words in our Japanese12 class from chapter 14 to 19! Gee, thanks for making my life more miserable.                 And after on the brink of failing my GE class in the 2^nd long exam – here I am rewriting notes like mad mad mad. Well, look at the bright side of it – I bought my notebooks for my lessons and not for stupid scribbles about cute guys.                 In one of my major class, Britishlit, the coverage of the exam is everything! Oh. Does that mean that I have to read such long works again? Okay, I admit I haven’t read the Beowulf word for word – I miss the last battle of Beowulf and the Dragon because – I couldn’t stand the soporific power of who-is-that-person-who-wrote-this-epic.  Not to mention about Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, I think I forgot some of the minor details – I am more preoccupied on the different revisioned stories that we did about it which includes Sir Gawain as a gay and that he actually falls in love with the Green Knight or the fact that he likes to beat the King’s wife and made her his sex slave every night for his carnal pleasures – beating her all over again… my my, aren’t we the masochistic ones? Ok, shrugs, who cares, as if!                  And I have to finish yet another critical essay for my Criticisms class. Yeah.                 And the soccer class is finally over, pity for me, I just recently learned how to kick the ball and not actually kick the field grasses! I mean to say, I’ve been kicking grasses all through out the semester, except for the last two ones, in which I literally found out how to kick the ball.  Is it because I’m left-footed? Does it have to do with the brain cells that deal with balance and coordination? Oh, I dunno, but I’m just trying to recollect soccer moments in the past – things that I did that I considered really lame and stupid of me.  My left foot kinda weird. Sore. Really sore. Well, aside from the fact that I’ll be toasted next week, I have actually more pressing matters to deal with. My WordPress account with insane and not-so-respectable articles worth reading – it’s hacked! Whatda—-…                 Well that saved me from the necessity to write even more weird and insane topics…                 Next one, you still have to guess?                 I think I’m outta here – I wasted a lot of money blogging and surfing through my Friendster account instead of researching for my lessons.

                Bye! J

Of Honey and Clover, Baygon Katol and Tinapa Era

I just watched Honey and Clover season 2 on Animax and man, it was so damn good that it nearly made me cry. Okay, wallowing if that’s the right word – but what I’m trying to say here is that you should watch Honey and Clover 2 and you’ll know a lot about love and friendship (cheesy right?) Uh huh. I am such a hopeless romantic. I’m itching to buy myself a DVD collection of it if ever I’ll go around the city proper (nah, just pirated DVDs for my own selfish interests).  Nope, I’m not kidding, I really recommend this anime for you to watch – I watched the Honey and Clover Season 1 too and it was cool. And this part 2 is much much cooler and much much better than the first one.

            Anyway, I digress.  Ah – I think I’m being drugged with this katol – it’s emitting totally foul smell while I’m typing my critical essay here. Well, I’d say the mosquitoes are feasting in my feet and legs and I’m too distracted with them so guess I have to endure it for the meantime. I just hope my essay will be over soon or else I’ll poke myself in the bathroom because I’m too drugged with this thing. What can I say? It’s rainy days, so need I say that it’s time for these damn mosquitoes to breed and multiply?

            Noodle days are finally over at the boarding house – but on a different price – I am welcoming the Tinapa Era! Yeah, last month was definitely noodles noodles and noodles (this is the primary reason why my hair kinda curly last month)! But this month? Tinapa never fails in our budget list and to brag even more – it’s as if I can compile a Tinapa cookbook for I think I have already mastered the art of different recipes in it. It’s always me who’s assigned to cook it, that’s why. So you need not to be surprised if a book came out entitled Khareen’s 99 Best Tinapa Recipes. No, I’m not kidding, if you think I am. I just hope I wouldn’t end up blushing the whole time (as a side effect for this tinapa thing) whenever my crush is around or the worst cased scenario would be me transformed into a huge sardine – human sized – walking tinapa girl.

            Okay, I’m drugged now – the katol has finally taken its toll on me and it just blurred my brain.

Under Pressure

The first semester of my second year has just started. It was cool, really, not to mention kind of tiring too – but at the moment, I was lucky the assigned readings were not as quite thick as the ones I had with my science subject I took last year. But of course, I knew (and I expect) that in the future my eyes will droop on weeks after weeks of reading assigned stuffs. Sometimes, I think – in times when I’m alone in my room, if these stuffs I’m reading is only a quarter of what am I supposed to read, or one eights even, not to mention that I still have many more days, weeks, semesters, or even academic years. I’m not griping though.

I’m currently listening to the My Chemical Romance’s own rendition of Under Pressure which was originally sung by Queen – one of my favorite rock bands. Yeah, under pressure… big deal. That reminds me that I still have to read the book 10 of Plato’s The Republic, or peruse Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors play. But here I am again, stuck in posting nothing but crap in my blog (lucky I’m not so immersed with my friendster account today – maybe later…) And not to forget I’m taking up Jap12 as my foreign language elective (I finished both the prerequisites Jap10 and Jap11 last year) because I failed to squeeze in the French10 class. At least, I’m assured I won’t get my tongue twisted in French, but on the other hand I’d loved to converse in what the others consider to be the most romantic language in the world. Jeez. (scratches head)

(Ssshhh…. this is so cool. I’m sitting beside with my crush in this cozy internet café).

Enough of this blog posting…. Yosh!

And wait!

I’m not under pressure. I’m just joking when I put the blog title… <winks>

Soon enough – I’m sure, and I’ll let you know about it.

 

 

Of Anime Stuffs

I missed a lot of them, you know – the anime shows I watched over the summer. That’s the excruciating part of starting watching anime shows, the moment you have to let them go (no choice, given that you have to go to school) – (close eyes )… well – that’s the worst part of it. You simply go restless thinking about what happened to this character and that character or even the gorgeous villains because you missed another episode. Lucky there’s YouTube to watch missed episodes, but there’s nothing like lying in your living room, stretching your legs and watching your favorite anime for free as if what matters in the world is just the TV and you.

I love Blood+. It’s a cool anime – the fighting scenes are amazing. Some people think it’s too violent – but it’s the kind of show people don’t watch every single hour of their busiest lives – something extraordinary in what appears to be a blunt ordinary life we’re spending in this darn planet. They immersed themselves to the conventional dramas in the TV instead – most of them are the cheesiest that I have ever encountered in my life.

I miss Blood+ the movie though. I’m preoccupied of the school stuffs lately, that why. And I love Fruits Basket too!

Somebody stole my anime schedule I made over the summer. I just pinned it next to my calendar full of scribbled upcoming anime schedules in the TV. Where could it have gone? I doubt my mother burned it; I’d already given her a lot of scratch papers over the summer. I think I must’ve misplaced it, no doubt. How clumsy of me. (scratches head)

I think I have to find it for now…

Jaa… sayonara!

 

 

Sunlit Days

 No more. No more sunlit days. It’s the start of the rainy season.

I looked up to see dark clouds hovering over me – as if any minute now it would stretch and cover me in intense impenetrable darkness. Dusk was slowly gaining ground in the sky – it enveloped the heavens to form a beautiful canopy against the dark clouds that was issuing threats of rain.

I told you so, he said. It’s going to rain. So give me the doll you promised.

It’s not yet raining, I replied hurriedly, clutching my doll.

He looked at me as if I was stupid to think that the heavy dark clouds above us don’t mean it’ll rain. I told you I’ll give you my doll if it will rain, and it’s not yet raining, I said finally, not looking at him.

He snickered. I told you I’ll give you my doll if it will rain, and it’s not yet raining, he mouthed back, repeating the words I said as though playfully mocking me. I pouted my lips as though to appear sullen, and he let out his big tongue by parting his mouth with his hands. He made wacky faces in front of me. Eetz goin’ tuh reeeiiinnn…

I looked away at him. I saw a drunken woman with a man clutching a bottle of alcohol emerged from the dense trees. The man’s right elbow was over the woman’s shoulder, and both of them were heavily drunk. I recognized the pallid face of the woman as she brushed off her hair that obscured her face, clumsily pinning it behind her ears. She was smoking a cigarette.

It’s your mother, I said and I turned to look at him. He stared seriously at both of them. His mother was issuing great puffs of smoke rings in the air. The man laughed and shouted in amazement.

That’s cool, I said, staring at the smoke just above her face. He didn’t say anything. That’s not your father, isn’t he? I asked him again, dazzled at this point in time.

Don’t ask, he said, squinting his eyes as though restraining to do something dangerous. I saw his hands closing in, his knuckles turning red. I didn’t say anything. I know a dark cloud when I saw one –

Let’s get out from here… I’ll fix the tent and you get our pillows – and my bag too, he said, fumbling at the rope that fastened the tent to the nearby tree. I got out from our yellow tent holding the pillows and the bed sheets, and the bag hanging on my shoulder. I looked at him to ask what to do next but he was still busy unstringing the knot in the tree.

Her mother seemed to have tripped over a rock because both of them skidded downhill. I gasped. They’re okay, he said, without looking at them. I went to retrieve the pillows I dropped a minute ago, and I heard a familiar laugh not far from us. I tiptoed to see his mother and the man entangling themselves from each other after the accident. There were so close to each other. Then suddenly, he grabbed my elbow and dragged me farther away from them.

Ouch, I said.

Don’t look at them. Let’s put our house here, he said.

What are they doing? I asked him.

I don’t know. Don’t ask.

He immediately fastened the ropes in the trees that seemed to cover us the view from her mother and the man she was with. I arranged the bed sheets and the pillows inside the tent. After a few minutes, we were inside, sitting beside each other near the opening of the tent, staring above us. The trees obscured mostly everything, but we could still see the dark clouds stretched across the sky in those parted branches above us.

Where’s our doll? He demanded, straightening up his neck to see the doll behind me.

It’s mine. And it’s not yet raining, I said again, staring at the sky.

Well, I’m his father, he retorted.

The sounds of laughter echoed in our ears. I stared at him. He busied himself writing his name in the ground with a twig, oblivious to the laughter of her mother.

My father said he’ll fetch me today if it rains, he said suddenly.

Why aren’t you in your house? I asked.

I told him I’ll be here, he said. I don’t want to be in the house.

What about your mother? You’ll leave her?

Maybe. Father said I’ll live with him forever, he said, clutching his bag.

I can’t play with you again?

I’ll visit our house sometimes… He stopped for a moment then said …but I don’t want to see my mother.

I stared at the zipper of the tent in front of me, and said finally, I’ll keep our house safe and secret.

He never said anything after that. I looked at him seriously. Finally I stretched out the doll to give it to him. Yours.

It’s not yet raining, he said, staring at the doll.

I didn’t look at him as I stretched out the doll. It’s drizzling.

Oh.

(silence)

I’ll keep our doll safe, he assured me.

Yeah.

I promise you that.

Bring the doll if you come here.

Sure.

The rain fell heavily from the skies. A series of thunder drowned the laughters of his mother and the man she was with. A car screeched in front our tent. Then a young man with a handsome face emerged with an umbrella. He gave an unfriendly wave towards us. I smiled at his father.

I’ll be back in sunlit days, he said finally.

I’ll wait.

He swung his bagpack towards his back and got out of the tent. I stood up too, and got out from the tent, even though it was raining. I was suddenly taken aback when he kissed me gently on the cheek. Then he smiled at me. There was no trace of her mother in his face. Bye, see you soon.

Hey, I said. He stopped. I saw the rain trickling from his face.

Don’t drink alcohol okay? I said to him.

He tiptoed to look at the man and his mother. You mean I shouldn’t do what he did?

Yes, I said with a smile. He laughed.

He leaned forward to look at my face. He narrowed his black eyes as he stared at mine, and I saw my reflection in those eyes. You said you love the puff of smoke my mother did, he whispered.

Yeah, I think it was cool.

Really?

Yeah.

Just don’t be like that okay?

I looked at his eyes and I understood.

 

Of Hunting Lizards, Mr. Next-Neighbor and Saving the Planet

Funny, when I get the chance to see children playing outdoor games, it just brings a lot of childhood memories to me.  Before my transformation from a super darling little tot to a lady that I am now (yeah right, I’m eighteen!), I used to play a lot of outdoors games during my time too.  Some were kind of boring, but others were kind of dangerous.  The latter were worth a lot of fun!

I remember a lot of games I was deeply immersed with, games of marbles, and the usual hide-and-seek (hmmm… I used to hide in the house so that the ‘it’ won’t find me… nasty eh?). But the most preferable and the most exciting was hunting neighborhood lizards!

We usually put a nice story line before a game begins.  Like for example, in the game of hide-and-seek, the ‘it’ will become a monster lurking to find innocent children which are the rest of the players.  In the case of this hunting-lizard activity, it suggested, maybe, out of extreme imaginations and paranoia, that lizards are dangerous creatures, or worse, when they continue to exist in this world, they will mutate themselves abnormally to large scary creatures, akin to dinosaurs and Godzilla-something.  I personally think now, that maybe, at that time, that these crazy thoughts were inspired from the-i-can’t-remember-reptilian movie. Then we reached into a conclusion that we, the Lizard Hunters (L.H. for short), were especially chosen to stop their imminent mutation and forthcoming destruction! Saving the entire planet, that is our major goal by killing these dangerous lizards.  Yeah right. Spoken like true superheroes.  And the game begins.

We did a lot of lizard-hunting back then, and I was seven years old.  My friends were all boys, and they were crazy.  Whenever we managed to kill some, we would then shout in triumph.  Then we’d postpone the hunting the next day.  We were mad, ravishing, dangerous lizard killers; we are called upon the demand of saving the entire planet.  But when Mr. Next-Neighbor became irritated on how we usually prowled in their backyard, disturbing their afternoon catnaps, he shouted at us once and for all.  Then, out of extreme annoyance at us, he said that if we really wanted to hunt lizards forever, then we should then come with him inside his house to show us the biggest of them all.  We followed of course, believing that we were doing him a favor.  But when Mr. Next-Neighbor introduced another sinister looking breed of lizard, we resigned as superheroes.  The first glimpse of it was traumatic (as I was writing this, I can still feel that old creeps, sort of).  It was a huge gecko. 

So we reckoned we’d stop.  And that’s how our little group broke up, disintegrated.  We finally realized we were too young to save the world.  Uh huh.

So might ask, what happened to those lizards we managed to kill?  Well, actually, we tore them to pieces (I didn’t actually join the tearing part; the boys did it all actually).  Gross.  And then we would feed those little parts to roosters.   The roosters that were being raised up by Mr. Next-Neighbor.  Well, we reckoned, Mr. Next-Neighbor is really a bad one, and he hates us, childrens.  But, we’re not conscience-stricken about that, nope, we found out that feeding his roosters with the torn lizards enabled them to win the derbies.  Well, I thought it was much more considerate, compared to the previous prank we used to do to him:  feeding his roosters secretly with rhums or something alcoholic.  Imagine the roosters when fighting at the derby, already sobered.

Such prats… we were…

 

                                                                                                                                       

Love Calculations

Calculation No. 1:  Humiliation Due to Love Formula

            A mathematical formula exists stating that the longer you hang out in someone’s presence, the more likely you’ll do something wacky in front of him.  The formula states that:

 

L squared = H X M                      where –

 

L = Love

H = Humiliation

M = Months

 

            The grosser the weird actions, the better the “It-Should-Not-Happen-Again-Strategy” works.

            Situation No. 1 : Concentrating on verbs and tenses isn’t easy when you’re crush is nearby.  While our high school English teacher was giving us English sentences to study on, I was gazing at my crush Adrian.  Perhaps, my English teacher must have noticed me, because the next thing I knew, the next sentence on the blackboard was ‘Khareen is always staring at Adrian and she likes him a lot.’ I wanted to die right at that moment!  To further this humiliation, I had to read the sentences all over again.  Yeah right.  I didn’t glance at Adrian that time.

            Situation No. 2 :  I found out that Adrian , was going in a concert one day, which will be held later at 8 pm. I was wondering if my best friend Jasper would go to, so that I will go with him to have an excuse to see Adrian at the concert.  Maybe, I was immersed with the thought of it that when I diverted my concentration back at the verbals and infinitives, I saw that my teacher wrote “I am confused why Khareen is staring at Jasper when in fact she used to do it at Adrian” on the blackboard.

            “So Khareen, you want to answer my question?”  asked my English teacher.

            Oh my goat.  This is the end of my existence. 

            “Um – I forgot the question – mam,”

            “So much for forgetting a lot.   Adrian, would you like to refresh and answer the question?”

            “The question was…”  Adrian started.

            Thank you.  My life is miserable now. 

Calculation No. 2: Frequency Distribution

            Frequency distribution is nothing more than a distribution of the total number of observations or frequencies over arbitrarily defined classes or categories.  Such categories include how a guy looks at you, or the way he looks at you, the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his lips.

            First step, you get the R = the range of the highest time and the lowest tine.  Like how many minutes or seconds this situation happened.  It can be summarized in this formula:

 

            R = (Ht – Lt) + 1                                  Where-

           

R = range

            Ht = highest time duration

            Lt = lowest time duration

 

            Next, you get the K which is the constant factor, or most commonly known as the ‘kilig’ factor.  To obtain the answer, this formula is used:

           

K = 1 + 3.322 log n                            Where –

           

K = kilig factor

            Log = logarithms of love

            3.322 = constant value of heartbeats

            n = total number of moments

 

            The next step, which we may call the interval and the probability of chances that you and the guy will be together, is the third step of the first part.  After obtaining the R and the K, you may get the result by this formula:  R/K.

            Anyway, I forgot how to proceed after this.  It must have been somewhere getting the mean or the summation or whatever. It is never easy, you know, especially when you hate Math like I do.

 Calculation No. 3:  Law of Acceleration (for unreciprocated love only)(note:  for high velocities of love, this law is not applied, instead, you may use the Theory of Relativity)

            When the resultant or the net love for the person is not equal to zero, your crush accelerates farther away from you.  His acceleration is directly proportional to your net love for him and inversely proportional to his mass of affection for you.  Your crush will only accelerate or change its velocity only if you boldly let him act upon the net love you have for him.

 

            A = L(net) / m               where –

           

            A = acceleration

            L(net) = your net love for him

            M = mass of his affection (quantity in the form of rivalry or plain friendship)

 

            Prob. 1.  Find the acceleration of Adrian for Khareen if his affection for her weighs only 2 rivalries when a net love of 10 acts on it. 

            Answer:  5 meters/seconds squared

            Interpretation:  Adrian will step 5 meters away from Khareen every time Khareen moves to Adrian in a second squared. 

            Horrible results.

 Calculation No. 4:  Stoichiometry of Love; Quantities in Chemical Reactions

            Stoichiometry is an essential tool in chemistry.  Such diverse problems as measuring the concentration of love in the atmosphere, determining the potential yield of love at first sight when two persons finally know each other and assessing different processes for converting liquefied hate to gaseous and intoxicating love all used the aspects of stoichiometry. 

            Problem. The equation for the torrid kiss reaction of a sweet sucrose love with breathable air (oxygen) is:

            Sweet love sucrose + 12 oxygen = 12 carbon dioxide + 11 water (in the form of saliva)

            Calculate the quantity of carbon dioxide produced in grams per sweet love sucrose used during the torrid kissing.

            Answer:  1.54 g of carbon dioxide.

            Interpretaton:  After kissing, you breathe out this amount. 

 Calculation No. 5:  Molarity of Love

            The number of love solute in moles per liter solution of hate.

            Using this definition, the principle of molarity helps us to find if there is still love from a person you like very much but treats you so harsh.  To find if he/she is hiding love behind his/her hate, this formula is used. 

            M: love solute in moles/liter hate solution

Prob. Calculate the Molarity of love of Khareen for Adrian made by dissolving 5 grams of glucose (a monosaccharide sugar of love) in sufficient water to form exactly 100 mL solution of hate.

            Answer:  0.28 M

           

Definition No. 1:  Collisions

A.     Elastic Collision: A collision wherein two persons after colliding will hook up with each other.  Love is conserved; Momentum of friendship is conserved.

B.     Inelastic Collision:  A collision wherein if a person openly told the other one that he/she likes her/him they will not hook up with each other.  Love is conserved.  Momentum of friendship not conserved. 

C.     Completely inelastic collision – When a guy sticks to a girl or vice versa, they move in one direction.  This is a very complicated situation that’s why the first two collisions are only explained thoroughly during physics class.

Question:  What kind of collision exists between Khareen and Adrian?

Answer:  That’s none of your business.

 Definition No.  2:  Fundamental Kinds of Love in Nature

1.      Weak love – short-range love

2.      Strong love – short-range love; strongest love

3.      Electromagnetic love – long-range love; next to strong love.

4.      Gravitational love – long-range love; the weakest among the four kinds